Just Like A Pill

Yesterday was a pretty awesome day.

I'm off for the rest of the year, so I got up, hit the gym, went on a mini-date that didn't lead to sex (can you believe it?) and hung out with family before coming back home to do some late night ab work.

As the year comes to a close, for the first time I started to seriously consider leaving some people behind.

As corny as it sounds and as much as I Hate and I mean HATE when people discuss having certain people in their lives for a season. I'm seriously starting to consider it.

I can name three that I'm going to have to bid adieu as the year comes to a close.

Number one will be "B/D", his name starts with either one of these letters (who knows he lies about so much shit). He's a 33 year-old guy that was in decent shape when we met, but has been getting sloppier ever since.

I met him in February right before I sealed the deal to move home and although I knew nothing substantial would come of knowing him; it was nice to have a default guy that threw sex parties and freak gatherings. He even introduced me to "Q", who I also will be leaving in 2013.

When I started working shortly after moving back, I noticed that he was frustrated that I wasn't around to fulfill his "needs" and starting becoming distant. Follow up texts to him got no response and when he did text me it would always be a "wyd?" at 11pm or later.

I was annoyed, so I stopped responding.  One day I was facebook stalking a gay I know (I tend to watch them from afar) I found out his real name and that he wasn't as masculine as he came off after all. He was an all around fraud that was dragging me further into sexual deviance and risky behaviors; so in the end I moved on

Since I already mentioned him, I'll talk about "Q" next.

I met this poor soul during a sex party at "B/D's" place earlier this year. He was a younger, slim, attractive guy, but he was hooking up with EVERYONE in the house. Bottoming safe and raw, topping raw and sucking off people one after the other.

Watching him turned me off.

I have a thing about seeing attractive people degrade themselves with unattractive guys and indiscriminate sex. It bothers me. It also paints a bigger, uglier picture of the person that I never wanted to see.

However in typical, pity party fashion, I wanted to be "cool" with him.  I ended up hooking up with him separately on a few occasions. He was into everything, even let me make an xtube video of one of our hookups and didn't care. He also was the bottom that gave it up for me when I met "J". Just like "B/D" though, I noticed we never talked unless it was about sex.

Sometimes he wouldn't respond, sometimes he would. Whenever he said was was with "friends", I knew he was talking about sex.

The straw that broke the camel's back with "Q" was a hookup about a month and a half ago in a hotel where he had some random guy come by.  He had been there having sex all day long; I arrived at 10pm. In the middle of fucking, he reached down and grabbed his phone when there was a knock at the door. In came, a visibly older, unattractive guy that was there to "join" the fun. I went to bathroom immediately to wash up and get out when I heard the moans coming from the other room.

He didn't care about anything, but sex and didn't care who it came from. Part of me, saw a bit of myself in him and even worse, if I didn't change my ways, I could end up just like that. All the drugs and alcohol in the world couldn't make me sleep with that guy that walked in and that was the last time I saw "Q".

I text him a "Happy Thanksgiving!" and only got a "were u @" text back asking for dick. It was time to let him go.

The most recent person that's given me a dose of poison was a guy I opened myself up to and told I was writing this blog, "Anchorman".

He's a local TV personality, young attractive and obviously thinks I'm dumber than I am. The first time we met was for an oral/jack off session at his place when he told me his name was Sean. Turns out he was another fuckin' "J/Jay/Jaye".

He had the audacity to leave an Emmy with his real name on it in plain sight when he was going down on me. At that point, I was fed up with lies so I made it the last time I hooked up with him.

I did however remain cordial since he was a young professional guy in the area, I thought he would be someone I had something in common with. The more we chatted the more he lied.

Even up until yesterday I was trying to be cool with him and he asked me to come over and "play". Today he asked me what I was doing. I told him "wrapping presents", he said "come over and jack".

If he would've text me that a month ago, I probably would've been in my car and at his house. Today I can proudly say, I'm a different man.

If I'm going to sleep around, it'll be on my terms, when I want it and with someone I think is worth it.

If I choose to make mistakes, I'll do them because I want to and not because someone is asking.

I heard the Pink song, "Just like a pill" on the way to the store today and it made me think of the pills in my life that were making me ill instead of better all along. Its about time I pour those down the drain and the end of the year is no better time.

- CGN