Congrats to Michael Sam. You know...the big, burly, fucked up hairline having football player from bumblefuck Texas that twirls in St. Louis gay bars and likes the poop shoot?
Well he's been drafted to the NFL after all! Check out him making out with his yt boo. Get it Sammy!
Saturday, May 10, 2014
What's Love Got to Do With It?
"Oh baby, things are changin' now and I can't tell...
where we'll from here on out....ohhh its hell"
Yeah I know, its been a while, but hey I haven't had much to say.
Any who I'm back...I think lol. I was in the car earlier and this Gary Clark Jr. song was playing and it got me thinking about all the ways that I might myself have been changing; the new experiences, new feelings and new outlook I've had since starting this blog and growing in this city.
When I first started writing, I thought I knew everything about myself; that I was a slutty sack of shit with no self control that hated myself because I hate gays.
Well..turns out that's only partially true.
I don't hate gays and I'm not a sack of shit, but I am slutty; and to be perfectly honest, that's ok.
I've run into all these guys that have expressed an interest in me and tried to convince me why I was worth dating, attractive and etc. All the while I'd been rejecting their advances, not because they were bad people (PSA: NONE OF YOU ARE BAD PEOPLE).
I realised (feeling British) that I, CGN, had been lying to myself about what I really want and how I actually feel.
I've been defining myself by some greater moral standard and applying a code that doesn't work for me.
I don't want to be in a relationship and I don't see anything wrong with that. However, I'd been pretending it was impossible for me to get in one because of other people, when in fact, I've been the road block based on my own interests.
I read an article two years ago during Valentine's day in the Washington Post about how 1 in 3 Americans is living single and never finds the one. It may sound bleak to many people, but in my world. There's more to it than that.
I find myself being more honest with who I am and what I actually want that ever before and it makes me happy.
I started to analyze this one night I was on the phone with a guy that I care about, as a friend, and he mentioned that no one is interested in him and blah fucking blah.
Then I brought up some points.
I asked him:
1) What he's been doing interesting that would make him worth getting to know?
2) What type of people he likes and why?
3) What he hopes a relationship will bring to his life?
After telling me all superficial qualities of his perfect man (fit, not fat or fem, educated and a rigid sexual position) he told me someone he could share his life with.
I responded:
If your dick is longer than your resume, you shouldn't be concerned about dating.
If you haven't put a stamp on your passport or, hell, HAVE a passport; you shouldn't complain about being single.
Don't rob yourself from experiencing life. Have something to share before you want to share your life with someone else.
Outside of the gay bullshit, I'm a happy person. I love my family, I love my friends and my life experiences have been incredible; wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I don't need someone to complete me and I've been my own worst enemy when it comes to being unsure of who I am.
All my life I've been confident and dogmatic in my approach to living and by allowing other outside views to shape my world; I feel into a depression.
If it doesn't work for my world; quiet frankly, it doesn't work.
I don't have to change for anyone and you don't either.
If love is what you're looking for at the moment, I'm not knocking it, hell, I applaud you. I just challenge you to make sure that you're looking for it for the right reason, at the right time. If not, you'll do nothing but hurt yourself and someone else in the end.
- CGN
where we'll from here on out....ohhh its hell"
Yeah I know, its been a while, but hey I haven't had much to say.
Any who I'm back...I think lol. I was in the car earlier and this Gary Clark Jr. song was playing and it got me thinking about all the ways that I might myself have been changing; the new experiences, new feelings and new outlook I've had since starting this blog and growing in this city.
When I first started writing, I thought I knew everything about myself; that I was a slutty sack of shit with no self control that hated myself because I hate gays.
Well..turns out that's only partially true.
I don't hate gays and I'm not a sack of shit, but I am slutty; and to be perfectly honest, that's ok.
I've run into all these guys that have expressed an interest in me and tried to convince me why I was worth dating, attractive and etc. All the while I'd been rejecting their advances, not because they were bad people (PSA: NONE OF YOU ARE BAD PEOPLE).
I realised (feeling British) that I, CGN, had been lying to myself about what I really want and how I actually feel.
I've been defining myself by some greater moral standard and applying a code that doesn't work for me.
I don't want to be in a relationship and I don't see anything wrong with that. However, I'd been pretending it was impossible for me to get in one because of other people, when in fact, I've been the road block based on my own interests.
I read an article two years ago during Valentine's day in the Washington Post about how 1 in 3 Americans is living single and never finds the one. It may sound bleak to many people, but in my world. There's more to it than that.
I find myself being more honest with who I am and what I actually want that ever before and it makes me happy.
I started to analyze this one night I was on the phone with a guy that I care about, as a friend, and he mentioned that no one is interested in him and blah fucking blah.
Then I brought up some points.
I asked him:
1) What he's been doing interesting that would make him worth getting to know?
2) What type of people he likes and why?
3) What he hopes a relationship will bring to his life?
After telling me all superficial qualities of his perfect man (fit, not fat or fem, educated and a rigid sexual position) he told me someone he could share his life with.
I responded:
If your dick is longer than your resume, you shouldn't be concerned about dating.
If you haven't put a stamp on your passport or, hell, HAVE a passport; you shouldn't complain about being single.
Don't rob yourself from experiencing life. Have something to share before you want to share your life with someone else.
Outside of the gay bullshit, I'm a happy person. I love my family, I love my friends and my life experiences have been incredible; wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I don't need someone to complete me and I've been my own worst enemy when it comes to being unsure of who I am.
All my life I've been confident and dogmatic in my approach to living and by allowing other outside views to shape my world; I feel into a depression.
If it doesn't work for my world; quiet frankly, it doesn't work.
I don't have to change for anyone and you don't either.
If love is what you're looking for at the moment, I'm not knocking it, hell, I applaud you. I just challenge you to make sure that you're looking for it for the right reason, at the right time. If not, you'll do nothing but hurt yourself and someone else in the end.
- CGN
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