Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Somewhere I Belong

Sunday was a pivotal moment for me.

I was scrolling through vine, well vine stalking, this guy and I happened to see him and added him as a friend on kik (don't ask me why I still have it).

Turns out despite being a total sleezy, ass loving freak, he's a handsome, articulate normal guy.

We chatted for a few hours about life and sex, of course, and I decided that he was the coolest person I've met...well ever.

He not only was sure of himself, he has the world going for him and has fun living his life. I was so taken aback by his easygoing and confident nature that I started to question myself.

My feelings, my actions and my intentions when it comes to interacting with gays.

Time and time again guys have told me, "you get what you put out". So what I have nude pics, it's jackd. I'm not displaying my face for the professional lurking workforce to see, besides, even when I did I got the same horndog responses, IF NOT, more.

The worst was "what u into". TOP n***, can a profile get a read anymore? *kanye voice*

Back to the guy.

I was so intrigued by his vivacious sexual appetite and vouyerism that I asked him how he met all the guys in the videos he sent me. He said "facebook, instagram, xtube, vine etc". Basically all the networks I use.

The problem is my twitter, instagram and facebook are very tailored to who I am. The real me. The one that graduated college in four years with no student debt. The one that volunteers, hangs with friends that don't know my sexuality and travels the world.

I'm also a silly guy. I don't take shirtless pics and post thirst traps. Hell I don't even have a real following of gays.

So what did he do for me?

He dropped a secret bomb on me that changed my life; he told me there were secret XXX facebook groups.





I was stunned, but more so curious and embarrassed that I was bulging through my pants.

So I added him as a facebook friend and showed me a world that I never knew existed.

There were guys, like me. Young, attractive, driven and HORNY as all fuck. Posting videos of them freaking one on one, in groups and planning to meet up for hot sex.

I've never felt more at home in this community than I have this week...but I wonder...am I wrong?

Am I wrong for the perpetual lust? Wrong for wanting sex just to make videos and hang with these people? Am I walking into another vacuum of emotional disappointment?

Maybe. The truth is I don't know, but I want to try this thing.

I immediately though of a hookup when I was interning in New York with this Columbia grad student, Sean, Shawn or whatever, who was my age now when I was a precious 20 years old.

He told me that by his age, 23/24, your hormones slow and its natural to be hot in the pants at a young age Awww I miss him...I just sucked his dick because it was long and he was nice, but whatever, it was fun.

I got to thinking, I'm that age now and PASSING it as the days go by and I'm as horny as ever. Will it end? When do I start to change?

I guess time will tell. Until then, I'm about to check my "other" facebook.

- CGN