Gays and the 'Gram

So I'm doing it again guys. Looking at gays be gay on instagram seething with envy.

A part of me feels like its #FOMO, the phenomenon that GQ so eloquently described as the fear of missing out. I get to watch them be everything, confidently, that I'm not.

Some having "to die for" closets, bodies that make you put down the piece of pizza and hit the gym (if you haven't grabbed lube out of lust first). Others just appear to be living life to the fullest in their wolf packs. Living life "out" loud.

My FOMO reaches its precipice when I see a gay that I know (usually fucked behind closed doors) living it up and I wonder why I wasn't privy to hanging with them.

I know that I'd probably wouldn't want everyone in my circle of people, in the dark about my sexuality, looking, but that doesn't mean I can't be seen in theirs...right?

The other part of me looks on in a concupiscent manner, as I want them only for sex.

I know what you're thinking. You're a sick fuck, but I'm not! According to "J", I know you're tired of hearing about this bastard (believe me I'm tired of thinking about him) he meets guys off of instagram to hook up.

I was stunned when I found this out.

How can it be done? Can you really meet guys off of "none bone only" social networks to take things to that next level?

I'm here to tell ya, you can. 

I'll give you my experience with it from my personal favorite hookup site, Linkedin.  I used to live in a place where people let their titles and incomes define them, Washington, DC, so they were always getting to know people to get something out of them or to "one up" them in one way or another. Naturally a career oriented site where you could see a pic and someone's title feed into that beast. That brings me to "G".

I met "G" first on jack'd and we chatted about work shit, in typical DC fashion, and we were comfortable being linkedin connections. No harm there right? Who'd find anything suspiciously gay about that?

In a nutshell he has a great job at a highly compensating firm, is a frat guy, is older than I am, a rock solid body and is brown skinned. So in my book he. was. EVERYTHING. The more I got to know about him the more I wanted to meet him and get to know him.

In the end though, he ended up being a fuck. I went to his expensive apartment in DC and smashed him with a friend and didn't think much of it.  We basically got drunk while watching the Olympics and took turns hitting him from the back.

Today of course, as usual with my track record, "G" and I don't talk. He actually hates me because he thinks I was spreading rumors about him and telling "everyone" about our hookup. I traced the source of that blabbing to a guy who gave me a blowjob at a house party in Largo, MD so I let bygones be bygones.

Anyway, I brought him up to say he was apart of the 'gram posse that I became enthralled with. He was well-to-do, hot and his friends were taking cool trips all the time. Things I wanted to do with other like minded men and be apart of. Instead I became the night entertainment once again and was left as an onlooker.

So in order to take part in the fun, I started to do my homework on gays in instagram:

1) The have lots of selfies and lots of comments from lots of followers that they usually don't know
2) They have some alternate form of contact in their bio, prefereably kik or now bbm
3) They make the degree of separation among gay people very small

 I basically watch other people build up their self-esteem by having guys "like" them and I get mad at their followers. I find the whole culture to be repulsive in a way, but simultaneously addictive.

I'm doing my best to not get wrapped up in it and judge myself based on things that I see, so I keep myself at a distance. Half of the time I don't even follow them, I only peek at them through the handful of "acceptable" gays that I know from college.

Its a viscous cycle I'm trying to break from within, but the feelings come back when I see certain people. Even though I've yet to meet a guy off instagram, I have a new prospect on linkedin. So far he's been a nice guy and I haven't been sexual so we'll see where this goes. His name starts with an "S". I'll keep you guys posted.

- CGN