Jack'd Up

Last night I had a long talk with a guy named "DM", I'll write a post about him later (he deserves one), about how my progress to change my behavior is being stunted by my presentation on the mobile app Jack'd.


For a little background, I was first introduced to the app two years ago by a sex partner I have/had that brought it up casually as a more "colorful" alternative to grindr, which I hated (who wants to wait for their pic to get approved from some nerdy app making goblins and have your shit cropped, edited and probably stored for their use? Not to mention women and the media write about it too much NOT low-key at all).

He told me it was a way to meet guys and being 21 and gung ho about making "friends" and the occasional fuck I was excited to make a profile. Long story short, I made the app during a visit in Detroit, which was full of trolls, so at that point I was over it; at least until I got back to DC.

Their were tons of guys in their mids to late 20's with great bodies (because that's pretty much all black men show on sites like that to be "discreet"), who had great grammar and the potential to be friends, hookups and maybe more. The possibilities were endless.

Well I was being far too optimistic.

I started using it so often I became an addict after a few months in 2012. Checking it non-stop hoping I'd see a message, but my lack of notes from the men that I found appealing started messing with my head.

Did I need to upload better pics? Am I not ripped enough? Even when I mustered up the courage to shoot them a message saying "Nice profile!" or "cool I work downtown too!" I'd get a tepid "thanks" or "cool".

What was with me? Was I coming off too strong, too "thirsty" or not attractive to them?

That sort of rapid rejection and disregard led me down a slippery slope for some sort of attention for these "dream" guys online. Being the driven person that I am, when I want something I get it by any mean necessary (even if it means contributing to my own vile degradation), I took a leap of faith and used what I had to get what I wanted. I removed the hackneyed ab shot and put up creative, seduction nudes.

My inbox exploded.

All the guys saying they were "educated, masculine, looking for 'cool' people" were inboxing me as if I never said anything to them before. Some were direct asking "where you at? you wanna cum thru?" others beat around the bush "hi, how's it going? how's your day?"

In the end they all wanted the same thing, but my original intentions weren't completely sexual. Sure I like the way they looked and it would be a fantasy hooking up with guys like that, but I really wanted to get to know them (after all they were looking for cool people right?)

Looking back, 90% of those messages ended up being in person meetings and 89% of the time it was just a fuck.  Some of those guys didn't bother telling me their real names, some didn't bother telling me a name at all.

I'd just walk in, get naked, bend them over, then they'd ask "you brought condoms? what kind of lube is that?". The most colorful ones used poppers, had porn playing or other guys already there/on the way. Even so, I still would hook up with the glimmer of hope that the encounter would turn out to be something more.

To make matters worse, every time I thought I was crazy for thinking people wanted more than a nut, a guy would shoot me a "hey" text after a hookup, just to hang out.

Score! I did it! I knew I wasn't crazy! It was possible to be more than a fuck, they were just horny.

Unfortunately the ratio was abysmal and my notebook of partner names, locations and acts outnumbered my new friends 10 fold and before I knew it I was a whore. One day I looked at my notebook and my jaw dropped. My number was unbelievable.

To make matters worse, when I tried to get advice from my new "pals" they were no help because they were in the same position I was, only they owned their slutiness, reveled in it and took me to new levels in my own.

If some told me 4 years ago that I would be having 3somes left and right, making xxx videos and even posting them on xtube I would've laughed. Fast forward to now, I'm afraid of what could possibly be next.

The problem is I recognize this and every time I want to delete my jack'd someone quality comes along that isn't completely on bs or sex-crazed like me. So I keep it open with the dwindling hope of meeting someone that understands me  and that wants to be at least a friend.

But that was my two cents for the morning. I've got messages to check and pics to unlock.

- CGN