To commemorate World AIDS Day, I'm going to share the stories of 3 guys that forever changed my view of the virus. Here's number one.
DB-Hotel.
That was and is his name in my cellphone, the only reason I keep getting the number in my address book is my computer syncs my contacts when I backup my iphone. We don't speak anymore, but I did send him a Happy Thanksgiving text on the holiday and received a response so I at least know he's alive.
I met him last fall during my school's homecoming. If you went to an HBCU then you know that homecoming draws thousands of people from across the country to essentially drink, fuck, party and be merry; last year's being no exception. During our big campus concert I was stoned from smoking pot and drunk out of my mind from pre-gaming with old classmates that were reveling in that fact that we had finally reached "alumni status". The turn up was real. It also didn't end with the concert, the cypher at my friends house after or the big party that night.
I went home burnt out and tired from the night, when I suddenly got horny. I was alone and away from all my friends except my roommates, so I instead of going to bed at 4am, I checked my jack'd and boy did I miss out on a lot of "opportunities" while I was on the yard.
After scrolling through the tons of "wassup" messages from blank profiles hours earlier I was prepared to turn it in for the night until I got a message right then and there. It was from a guy that was in his early 20s, attractive and in a hotel in Silver Spring having dudes over to freak. I instantly was intrigued by the thought of plowing out frat guys from other schools and watching people get it in so I asked when, where and hopped in my car headed over.
When I walked in the room, I was greeted by the sight of two dark skinned guys boning a slim lighter skinned guy, one dick in his mouth and the other in his ass. There was a guy nude on his laptop and phone checking jack'd and adam4adam to ask more guys to come ( I assumed that's who invited me), a guy that came out of the bathroom naked and one sleep in a chair in the room. Without any hesitation, I stripped down, grabbed my magnums out of my jacket pocket, lube out of my pants, strapped up and started to fuck.
Once I started however, it seemed like everyone was burnt out so I was pissed (I hate being the center of attention). I fucked one guy on the bed next to the guy on the laptop while another sucked my nipples and tried to kiss me, but I declined (because that's just gross). Before I had a chance to put on a new condom for the next guy because the bottom was worn out, the light skinned bottom started riding my dick. I didn't care since I was strapped up and he didn't either since the guy I was just inside of was hitting him raw from the back, so I didn't stop him. Before I knew it, I had slept with all of the guys in the room before I came and went home.
I woke up the next morning and hung out with my friends like nothing ever happened (the joys of leading a double life *le sigh*). A few weeks later, I was on adam4adam and I saw a guy with a nice body and freaked out page asking me to unlock. I was horny, he was hot, so I did. He sent me a message saying that he missed me.
Uhhh what? Where did I know him from?
He told me his name was "B" from the hotel in Silver spring and it clicked. He was the light skinned bottom that was getting tossed around by the crew of guys during homecoming. Awkward.
Not only did he remember me, he lived in DC...go me. He also asked me would I do him raw "next time", but I declined saying that I'm not into raw sex and I didn't want to catch anything. He then said, "Oh I thought you were poz too."
What?! Why would you think that?
Well apparently the guy that invited me and "DB" were friends that both had HIV and got the room to have groups of visiting guys in town for homecoming breed them all day and night.
I was shocked.
I was immediately grateful that I didn't get "caught in the moment" and raw dog anyone there, but I was perturbed by his casualness in telling. He then went on to tell me how he liked me the best (thanks I guess..whore) and that we should hang out.
Typical delusional whore behavior; falling in love with the pipe. You probably tell that shit to everybody (I said to myself in a Drake voice).
I once again declined, but agreed to talk to him on the phone why I didn't want to date. *palms face* I'm notorious for giving out my number to hopeless romantics and stalkers...
He began to tell me his story about his experience with HIV:
DB-Hotel was 25, had been infected by a guy he had a crush on, but never did anything with until the guy drugged him and raped him in his sleep when he was 19. In his words, "two years later I woke up in a pool of sweat and I knew I had the bug." After going to clinic with his mother because he didn't have health insurance, he tested positive for HIV and when the nurse called to tell him his CD-4 (white blood cell) count over the phone, it was so low that he received an AIDS diagnosis.
He was devastated.
His parents kicked him out of their home and he started making money the easiest way he knew how, tricking. A young man with AIDS having sex with random people for money and trying to get into a program for free medication. He didn't care if the guys were young, old, married or had families, a dollar was a dollar.
For his sake, he did receive benefits for not only free meds, his social worker found him employment and temporary housing so he could get off the streets. However, the story didn't end there. He dealt with constant thoughts of suicide due to mental illness being a trait in his family and was so aggravated by the side effects of his medications, he was taking them on and off.
His viral load went from undetectable (a viral count so low that he could negative) to in the thousands. Worse he became resistant to the drug he was on and had to switch and deal with a whole new set of side effects from a more effective drug for his strain of the virus.
After all of that and finally getting his virus under control, he admitted he wanted someone to talk to and to find a boyfriend. If he could've seen my face on the other end of the line, he would've thought I'd seen a ghost. I thought I'd heard and seen it all before that conversation. I told him that I would always be there for him, but I wasn't looking for a relationship (and I didn't lie, in 2012 my life was a hot mess).
He got mad and hung up. I tried texting him, but got no response for months.
When I was down in the dumps I told him I thought about dying in a text (I have this thing where I'm comfortable telling complete strangers my problems, hence the blog) and he called me immediately . He told me he loved me and that I had a lot going for me and not to kill myself. Now I didn't quite mean suicide nor did I text him because he dealt with those feelings before to be needy and an asshole, I just was unhappy and felt that life was never going to be fulfilling in any capacity.
He doesn't know this, but his concern and his story changed my life. A few weeks later, I woke up with a sense of purpose. I snapped out of my depressed what seemed like overnight. It was like I had the key to the lock that had me chained to a wrecking ball at the bottom of a pool all along and just never bothered to use it.
I don't know what the key was or what awakened me, but I do know that I spent 2012 getting closer to God than I ever had in my life and I believe firmly that he puts people in your life for a reason; DB-Hotel being one of them for me.
As 2013 offered me the challenges and wake up calls I needed to turn my life around, I'll never forget his concern and in a way I love that stranger for his blind care for me and genuine concern. I had gone almost 9 months without hearing a word from him so that "thanx" I got from him on Thanksgiving reassured my belief that God protects good people. That he can bring you out of your darkest moments with bruises, scars and bad memories, but still alive and the strength to make it through another.
DB-Hotel, that was for you.
- CGN
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