Lights, Camera, Action

Waking up before your alarm goes off can really mess up your morning; and the interruption this morning was no different. 

Between somebody in my house deciding to turn on a bunch of lights and my neighbor screaming at her dog to come in the house like a lion roaring to the pride, this definitely gets the "Wacky Wednesday" badge.

Not to mention that familiar soreness in my neck and stiffness that comes along with the changing of the seasons was back. I made sure to not only brush my teeth, but to gargle with extra listerine, but to pack TWO oranges and some decaff tea for breakfast today . Lord knows I can't afford to get sick.

I even broke my morning ritual of grabbing my cellphone and getting "caught up" on everything I missed while I was sleeping. Progress right?

Not quite.

What I did see when I pressed my home button was a message from an unfamiliar number, obviously some guy from jack'd or adam that I haven't met or that gave me a fake name (I don't save those "J's" and "D's" anymore), that contained a video.

Due to my "sexually liberal" nature I knew that it wasn't going to be PG-13 or instagram friendly, but I slid my unlock button and checked it out anyway.

It was some grainy flick of two guys getting it in raw not as an .mov, iPhone format, yet it came from an iPhone. Dude thought he was being slick, I'm a geek so I know better.

I didn't respond, drove to work and made my vitamin C packed breakfast before starting my day. I shot him a text that didn't say the usual "nice" or "hot", but "who is this?" instead. Then I remembered its Alpha Phi Alpha's Founder's Day so I text a handful of guys I know to start their day off right.

He hit me back without telling me a name, but sending me a screenshot of his jack'd profile, which was dark and just had the tiny locked face pictures revealed. Gee...thanks. Then said "you got me on dis video shit lol".

Ummmm pardon? I got YOU sending other people's flicks to me in the morning trying to pass them off as yours?

Nah bruh, not I.

I at least have the courtesy to send off videos of myself, shot by me or at least someone that was in the room buddy. I ain't having it.

Then I got to thinking about another nasty habit of mine that got me caught up time and time again.  Making sex tapes, not only for private viewing, but to share.

In the words of Rick Ross, "I'm not a star, somebody lied". And that somebody has been me lying to myself along other guys that have asked my for videos and commented on my several xtube productions.

I've opened a gateway for approval from strangers that puts me in an awkward situation when people ask to look at my photo library and made me develop a bizzare obligation to entertain people I don't know online.

This sounds like it should be easier to shake than not, but it hasn't been. Hell, I even recorded me dicking down some new guy Sunday in his apartment for some "variety" on my page and to send to the freaks in my phone that share their exploits with me in return. I'm a PER-VERT.

My current xtube wasn't even my first and I feel like if I delete it, it won't be my last. I like the anonymous nature of it and how it contrary it is to my personal nature; its a turn on.

The issue isn't making the videos, but why am I putting them ONLINE? Other people send me their videos and theirs aren't on sites somewhere (that I know of and trust me I look often) so why do I do it?

I think it goes back to that validation thing. When I didn't believe what people told me in encounters, I just threw them online to see what other people thought.  My friend request box exploded with creeps asking to be my friend and people inboxing me asking for "dat dick" when they come visit my area.

Did I intend to hookup with guys off of xtube? No. Have I done it? Yes.

Earlier this summer, I even had a guy from a popular porn site send me a note asking me to be a model. (boy did that stroke my ego) and I had the audacity to RESPOND. 0_O. Get it together buddy.

In the end, nothing happened. He offered flying me to Dallas in exchange for shoot and $800 for the weekend, but my responses to a survey about what I was into completely flipped the script. I failed to mention that I was interested in white men and boy did that piss him off. He responded by saying, "Are you kidding me?! Have you seen our work? Try working for black breeders or breed it raw buddy" Well excuse me sir, thanks for helping me dodge that bullet.

Now that I'm taking steps in the direction of better behavior, I think I'll get to a point where I can leave all of that behind and not need a fanbase of online freaks to know that I've got skills in the bed, on the floor and where ever else I've gotten it in.

Its all about growth. Will I stop making videos, probably not; but I can at least keep them between me and people that I have that sort of relationship with.

Anyway, its time for me to start doing some work and be the bigger man ignoring this wacko's fake video sending frenzy.

As for my latest doggy style Sunday morning romp with the light skinned 30 year-old in midtown...let's just say there might be a new update for old time's sake.

- CGN