I love discovering new music; especially if the beats are mellow mixed with some singing and rapping (clearly Drake is my bae for life). However if you look at my iPhone you'll probably find that my music selection is pretty vacant of anything particularly "new".
Lots of Kanye, lots of Drake, lots of random mash ups, some U2, the best of Michael and even more of Prince. I like what I like, what can I say?
However since I moved out here I discovered that I have a new found appreciate for Childish Gambino. Not because of his lyrics, I actually don't know what he raps about, but his beats are cool. It also helps that I've picked up a massive marijuana habit since I moved Cali (how cliche of me).
*you didn't think I was really that cool did you? lol
Anyway, I write that to say that I found Childish in a more intimate setting that his Governor's Ball performance earlier this year, but with this guy I met out here in the Bay. I'll call him "hippie", because dammit I think that's what he is.
He's ivy league educated, has locs down to his ass, he's light skinned and slender and from the DMV.
Overall he's a chill dude. He knows a lot and has no issue letting you know how smart he is (notice I used the word smart not intelligent, although he no doubt is both).
We started off well, he met my cousin, we talked about the prison industrial complex, talked about Detroit, shared a bit of what we wanted out of life and agreed to hang out 1 on 1. He took me bar hopping around Oakland, we ended up back at his place where he cuddled with me and watched TV.
Dammit did it go down from there.
We met on jackd and I don't know what it is about me, my passive demeanor, my face or physical shape (damn this fat ass), but unless I explicitly state how I get down dudes always think I'm a bottom. So "Hippie" did too.
He ended up smoking me out and then subsequently trying to bang me out over and over again. Now in my mind, I wasn't going for it so I didn't care either way and I was totally for continuing our friendship.
That's where my emotional intelligence took a hit. At no point did I take into account that my rejection of his attempts to "court" and fuck me came across like I was a tease or not interested.
Honestly I just didn't care. If you want sex out of me nowadays, you're going to have to work a hell of a lot harder than the lucky dudes before. If you want to top me? You might be waiting until 3005 for that to happen.
I did start to notice something change in him though. He became a little distant and when we would actually meet he just wouldn't say shit. We had awkward silences and man were they awkward. You could almost cut the tension in the air with a knife, I didn't get why but there was certainly an elephant in the room and I did not see it.
So as time passed and I've been out here two months, our "friendship" has virtually died. A few dry "how are you?" and "wyd" texts have led to nothing. We just don't talk. No hard feelings, but that's how the cookie crumbled.
It wasn't until I met up with this guy, after busting my ass to reconnect with him after this east coast married asshole duped me into tag teaming him, did I realize a pattern in DMV guys that "hippie" also had. He just isn't genuine.
Granted there were a few red flags. The fact that he is bisexual, he is so invested in the term queer, he confessed to me that he slept around for a long time with men and women, he even told me that he "realized his power" in friendships/relationships due to the fact that he is "good" at sex and has a big penis (here we go nigga).
He ran the same game of "let's be friends" on the bottom kat and ended up smashing and never calling again. Same old games guys used to play in DC. Lead you on to beleive that your relationship with them is more than what it is and more than what they actually want; sex.
Granted I don't mind the occassional NSA hookup, but it's the emotional invest that makes it so deceptive. It's like dude...just be honest.
It made me realize that there are some truly evil people in the world. Whatever happened to them to make them that way, they never addressed so they're just fucked up. The worst part about bad people is that they ruin good people.
It happened to me once and I damn sure won't project that on anyone else. I've made some serious progress in that arena, but I've still got some scars.
For me at least, I'm not going to scar anyone in my own healing process. So adios "hippie" and good luck finding yourself and whatever the hell you're looking for. I just won't be around until 3005 to find out, I'm dipping out in 2014.
- CGN
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